My attempt at consistent meditation and finding its benefits.
10 Days of Meditation- Day One
Today I sat for fifteen minutes, focused on my breath. I started at a 4 count with my breathing and eventually ended up with a 10 count.
I'm following the teachings of Bruce Frantzis, a qigong and meditation instructor, through his organization called Energy Arts. He has spent several years in China and India studying meditation and qigong and I think his approach is what I'm looking for.
What am I looking for?
A way to control my thoughts.
A means to sever my compulsions.
A path to clearing my mind from the things that are distracting.
Bruce advocates the Taoist method of letting go, or Water Meditation. Like a sugar cube dissolves in water, so we can dissolve the issues that cloud our thinking and compel us to make bad decisions and choices.
Bruce has a phrase: "Ice to water to inner space."
When I imagine it in my mind, there is a fourth one: "Ice to snow to water to inner space."
I feel that I'm particularly slow at this, and it may be that I'm too cognitive, having difficulty getting in touch with my feelings.
One feeling that I have, is a headache as I remember the Dread I experience growing up in dealing with an abusive father. Dreading when he would come home from work. Dreading when he would yell at me again. Dreading when he would hit me again. And it didn't stop when I left home. It hung over me until the day he died.
Now I live a life free of Dread. My home life is completely different from just a few years ago. But I can sense the emotion still there, just underneath the surface. Lingering.
Is it real? My mind thinks so. My body thinks so. My emotions feel so.
Bruce talks about the fact that there is no past and future in the mind. I think he's right. My mind reacts the same way to stimuli that it did years ago. Just like it was yesterday. Which is interesting in and of itself. If there is no past and future in the mind, then all things happen at once? Right? So...It's a matter of not focusing on what hurts...isn't it? Turning away from the hurtful things, but the pain is still there.
But that raises the question of Time itself.
How does Time heal all wounds, if Time doesn't exist in the Mind?
You can't change what you don't know.
If you aren't aware of what needs to change, then change is impossible.
But if you hold onto what needs to change, then the change happens slower. "Ice to snow to water to inner space"
So the question becomes, why am I holding onto this pain? This steel cotton that has settled across my forehead? What do I get out of it? How does it benefit me?
Questions to think about today and tomorrow.